Even though it's really not going to work.

I just looked through some stuff just now. And deep inside there is this
certain stirring, that I really miss everything. I was trying not to see anymore.
I closed it, quietened down, shut the music, and just concentrate on happy things.
I guess this left me quite nostalgic. Thinking of it anymore would leave me bonkus.
But having the Deja Vu in my mind made me really really really really miss it.
I guess it's all really not meant to be. This wishful hope ain't gonna work out.
Just have to deal with the aftermath of a seemingly impulsive act, disastrous.

If really really really really you must know, I'm really missing it.
But no, you can't turn back the time even if you wanted it to. Sad nomads of lv.
I'm off to mug for the day, then church. Looking forward to the worship :)
Chinese 'O's are apparently starting to take its toll on me. AMath, Phy here I come.
Why, students are meant to study, and not deemed to be worthy of certain things.

I shall concentrate on being a good student and hopefully it takes my mind off things.

There's a high chance of it being impossible.

Just came back not long ago from the YMCA CIP to YMCA HQ :D
Mandy and I were the extras, we weren't officially invited but we still
went anyway, since got free dinner WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA :p
Sounds quite cheapo right, but I bet if you were me, you would too.

It was mighty fun, and we did stupid but serious stuff (Uh really ironic).
Reached there and slacked for a while, drink the ex drink we bought and shared.
Haha, we were 2 pathetic despo kids for the drink that we crave, serious man :)
Waited for further instructions from the person-in-charge. Ahahahah whoo!
Then Mandy and I were assigned to do Telemarketing (Kewlest thang arnd xD)
Left the names which were difficult to pronounce to Nick, and we practically
laughed our asses off with aching stomachs, just lacking the rolling on floor part :D
I think my self confidence just got boosted talking to strangers on the phone HAHA.
The dinner was semi high class can, still got live band for entertainment seh!
Best thing, the food was nice. And I kept emphasizing on the price: FOC :D HAHA.
I was super super super super super super super super super highhhhhhhh :)
I told you I always get damn high in the night, also don't know why, camp also :x
Overall, we had 7 CIP hours, shiok ah! Haha worth the long journey there aye!

Before that, went to the Teahouse. It was quite fun, we got the private room :D
Haha 10 in a group, and we had lots of fun aye :) Haha 3K, 3L and a lil' bit of 3E.
Ate herbal egg, ice-cream puff and drank lots of tea. Zheng and I couldn't smell it.
But oh wells, we still enjoyed our time. I pao-ed a 'hu' of tea y'know, happy [:
Bought one extra egg, turning into an egg soon I guess. Hahahhaaahaha stupid ._.
Tea appreciation seems a bit cheena, but it's nice la cos you get to drink it xP
And I realized there's a lot of elements to it, and you have to have the art of smelling.

Okays it past midnight ever since I started posting. Thanks Jolene for pics :)

There wouldn't be a return ticket back.

Cabbed to HTA from Tanah Merah alone, 24 bucks flew out of the window ._.
What to do! It's in Choa Chu Kang and I only had what, less than an hour.
So, I hope my father does not kill me cos if he does that means I'm dead. Yay.
I'm feeling very guilty already so yeah hope the guilt and innocence saves me :)

So, this briefly what happened. The briefing was rather brief, cos it was a briefing.
Went to the Everest Room, reminded me of Ndp, reporting place! Haha nice :)
And saw Ching Na, Jia Min and Eileen (new friend made!) Haha nice people :D
Collected Polo tees and blazer (we don't get to keep it though D;) then went home.
Bus-ed and Mrt-ed home. I guess I'm still as quiet huh................................. :x
Okay I will open up when we get to HK. Okay I will I will, you silent freak :o
Excited to go HK man! Disneyland and Police Divisions ftw :) K keep excitement...

Gazing from afar I really think I should give up. But it's this point in life that
I seem ready to do so, but somehow it gets deeper. Then I won't already.
Okay I will, this is really getting my agonized and annoyed. Uh huh uh huh.

I got more pimples and dots all over my face. One word to describe the feeling: Sian >_<
Pimples and dots can you just leave me away and grow somewhere else,
maybe on someone else's ass or something, please please please please please :x
*Goes on and spam facial soap and powder and what not* Wahlao pimple monster liao la.

Pimples and dots go away go away go away go away go away I hate you =.=

edit @/ 9.51pm

If you're feeling bored and wanna hear some teenage pop kinda thing,
try listening to Justin Bieber :) Quite soothing once in a while. Cute voice huh..
I'm currently thinking of: Stupid retarded things.

edit @/ 11.16pm

Revelation 101: I need to runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! :/

If you don't wish to know, then I won't too.

This is getting really tiring. Seriously, why do I even care. I'll just carry on life.
Maybe giving up would be better, so it wouldn't annoy me, won't annoy you.
I know I'm not good enough, I know that. But chances, I don't really get them.

When it comes to this, everyone's just so shallow.

No one bothers thinking: It's more than meets the eye.
Why, because it's the first thing our eyes see. Then judgement's made.
I don't blame you, and maybe I blame myself. But what am I to do?

I'm carrying on with SS project. And love my mind by not thinking too much.

edit @/ 6.32pm

SS is almost done, just need to include the pictures and stuff, then, eureka! :)
I got a feeling it's not going to be the most marvelous but still, worth a try.
Cos we got so little time uh, yeah so no choice. Happy gloating, won't blame.

If something happens then I'll consider changing my mind.
But for now, concentrating on taking this off my mind, cos I really wanna save it.
So yeah, I'm going to be fine. I will be I will be I will be I will be I will be I will be.

HK briefing tomorrow, going alone :( Eunice got TeaHouse so, bad for me!
Maybe I'll ask Ching Na to meet or something like that, heard she's going :o
KK I shall go be quiet and shut my mouth up for a while. :x :x :x :x :x :x
Though my mouth's usually shut when I'm alone, if not I'll be psychopath.

Cos we're children, and people say we don't understand these things.
But have they realised we do experience them too? Oh they don't.

The more I think, the more I'm sad.
Maybe I should just give it all up, because I really love my mind.
Why try so hard when no one bothers anyway.
Futile attempts this I know, getting a little tired.
Oh well, we'll see what tomorrow shall bring :x

I think I've figured out why you decided to give up. Because things,
it does not please you like it probably did before. I'm sorry if you needed
answers and I couldn't give you any, but trust me, I know how it feels.
Time robs, time probably kills. But it's better without me, really.
Oh how I knew from the start that things, they wouldn't last.
Because people change and some truths they don't change, this indifference
then separates us from eternal impressions and feelings. That's why they change.
Emotions, feelings, attachment, they change. Cos it's all intertwined.
I won't blame you for anything cos everything lies on me. This I know.
Maybe I've been a little bitch not thinking about people, I know inside I am.
But since your decision's made then I think it's all going to go well from now.
At least you won't feel the agony, and I wouldn't feel the guilt.
Maybe there were better things. Just leave it there, like there never was.
I know exactly how it can generate into something so unbearable: I'm sorry.

Because I'm just too imperfect.

So that I might never experience the past again. I'm left asking myself if there
was only a remedy to this catastrophe. This ignorance, when then- normality? ♥

This is deep. Deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep.
So deep that I can't find the actual source of it all. Where did all this come from?
I want it to end. Then we could just be carefree and live our own lives.
Not tied down by this stupid thing, that leaves everything to it's wits end.

Hey, I tried. I tried. I really did. But you don't seem to care. Not even a response.
Maybe I'm trying too hard to restore this. Means much to me, means nothing to you.
If you must know I'm unable to say out everything, because of my stupid nature.
It pains me up inside. But go figure, there's simply nothing I can do.
If someone could answer my burning questions, then I wouldn't have this.
You can turn your back and walk away, but you won't know what it is inside.
Sometimes I wished you'd walk away, walk straight out of my life.
So that I'm spared. And as usual, selfish... But how am I supposed to know what you think?
Sometimes I wished the world was small enough, so that I could choose who to
know and who to ignore, so that circumstances wouldn't determine who I'd meet.
Anger, agony, bitterness, despondent, dejected, elated, ecstatic, over the moon.
Someone tell me how I should feel about this situation. Seems to go nowhere :(

Who am I to sit here babbling life away about something impossible, getting hung up
over things that can't be resolved. When you're there happily living your life.
Well at least, I hope you're happy without me bugging in your life. That's good.

Cos I wouldn't dare face the


brilliant horizons.



Something triggers this little feeble mind to think again. No one really knows.
Maybe senses are too engaged in what the mind interprets into actions.
I underestimated whatever I was capable of, all in the wrong ways, so wrong.

Because doing it might mean severing ties, breaking bonds that were already there,
even if they were weak. I'd rather leave things the way it is now. Everyone's fine.
Maybe not the most happy, but at least everyone would be fine, and it's all that matters.
Rather one despondent than all the people around being dragged down too.
Although humans are all selfish, but maybe that's the right choice to make, on my part.
Now the obstacle is to get through whatever trials that may rise up due to this generosity.

Sometimes I wonder, have I really changed from who I used to be?

That innocent little girl just hoping for good grades and enough love from her parents.
Maybe that girl clad in blue overalls and colourful ribbons has grown up, and has to
face the problems of this life, alone or not, though it is accompanied by reluctance.
Many people have withstood the test of time, and through the pain of patience they
have been molded to better people. Maybe now's my turn, my little test of time.
Sometimes I wished I could stay that child who never seemed to care about anything in
life, just a filled stomach and a whole drawer filled with Barbie dolls. Easily satisfied.
But standing at the crossroads of a grown-up life, some things aren't easily redeemed.
There were many times facing the horizons, I wished I never had to grow up.

Tip toeing at the sidewalk, it just might be that fragile.
Keeping silent for it all, so that it would be a little less forlorn.
Would you believe me if I told you I'm getting tired of trying to figure things out?
This obscurity's killing me.

edit @/ 11.19pm

Because it's undeniable that things have changed ever since.
Wanting it to stay the same is like asking for a trip back to time, and staying there.
If only I hadn't made certain decisions, certain impulsive decisions, then things
wouldn't turn out like that. So much that I'm left to fend for a rash attempt.
Someone tell me about the remedy to this, a solution to time travel.
Miss it so bad, really.

It's like it'd follow me wherever I go.

Just came back from church, great message about passion and desire :)
Though some jokes from the speaker fell totally flat, I still had fun sitting
next to Mum laughing at her stupid comments and unflattering actions.
And I got new tags for my Bible, will do a whole makeover I guess? :x

Wherever I go, my mind's with me. Sometimes I want it to stay home,
hide in the toilet and rot it's time away, so that I didn't have to care.
Just have to take it out during exams and when it's time to make wise decisions.
But apparently, this organ is permanently attached to my bloodstream.
All the trials, ups and downs, the whole body seems to be affected. Oh, the mind.

Such great is the power of the mind. I think I understand what this little but
meaningful phrase means, I am still trying to figure out the other side of it.
Learning is a lifelong process- I'm just afraid it might take too long to learn some things.
Do I then, struggle with the quest for knowledge- though I don't deserve it?

Because of the coldness of it all, I can't bring myself to words, to take a step.
Simply what I admire you for, hinders every step forward, each and every time.
Why then, I ask. Maybe because my heart's made of cold, refrigerated flesh.
Maybe who stands in my mind- cold, brutal, hostile, probably a tactful approach?
Some people know exactly what to say. But for me, frozen by mere words.

I just need a conclusion, just a conclusion.

Putting thoughts aside, I'm off to do dreaded zuowen and Chinese paper.
Stand in awe of the power of Ginger. A thousand hugs and kisses :).... :x

edit @/ 10.56pm

I just finished my little struggle with the Chinese paper :/
It's not that it was exceptionally tough or anything or that sort, but I just can't seem
to get into the mood that I have to start mugging for the 'O's, just feel like slacking :x
Somehow somewhere someday, I'll have to then, wake up my idea. Gah gah gah.

It was a spin trying to find gaozhi to do the papers and zuowen, I don't really
want to elaborate much, just that I had to go great lengths getting it! :(
But yeah so I'm left here with my oil lamp burning the midnight oil.
Probably time to curse and swear, but apparently I won't, cos I shouldn't :D
Don't you all just love the sweet lingering taste of ginger, that tantalizes the taste buds? :))

With my eyes closed and heads nodding, I'm finding inspiration for this useless made-up story.